It's time for a Stac post because Luke did a good job at scaring me.

What I've been focusing on lately are the Dada music project and Metamorphoses. Honestly, concerning the former, I feel shitty about the way things have been going. It's not even the folks I'm working with or myself, it's the inconsistency of ideas. We started with this plan for an orchestral-like composition, filled with funky dissonances and really horrible sounding stuff. It was too centered on the idea that Dada stuff was unpleasant. So, we tried writing a more melodic song with lyrics pieced together from each other's minds (something I got from reading the wiki on I am the Walrus). But today, Luke came in and gave us a kind of slap on the face, a wake up call. I realized how little I knew of Dada or what I was doing. But then, is that what this is about? Following the flow of whatever your mind comes up with the rules and controls in place? Yet again, I feel my desire for a resolute answer. I'm actually really scared for our piece, most importantly, the product. Luke stressed "process" enough today, and I still can't stop worrying about the piece sounding like shit. We don't have much. We'll jam and see what comes out.

On the other hand, Metamorphoses is killer. It's the opposite from the Dada project. Out of the 100% I think of the play, 10% goes into thinking about the actual performance while 90% goes into what we're doing now and most importantly, what I'll learn from this. I have adequate experience with bands and putting stuff together. But, I'm still not secure on what makes music sound good. Regardless, I'm stoked to learn. Apart from the music, I'm constantly blown away by the ideas that people are thinking up for the play design, and the endless ideas that are yet to come. Practical magic is so sick.

I've realized that I've assumed leadership roles in both the projects I'm working on, which is actually really great. I know where I want these roles to take me, but it's early to say, especially with the play. We'll see.

This past week has been pretty great. Every day has been one of enlightenment and learning. It's the new amount of art that I'm exposed to per day. It's also the people I now talk to, their ideas, the environment that accompanies Stac. I'm learning life lessons, most importantly, on acceptance, individualism, and the respect for others in art. Still, nothing is totally clear. Nothing is resolved. I've concluded nothing. Just ideas.

Dadaism. I used to get slightly angry or irritated when I thought about "too" abstract art, namely anti-art (I know now what it is called). The randomness was awful. I remember going to MOMA a couple of times and getting frustrated that I couldn't figure anything out. A lot of the stuff, I thought, was just random shit put together. There was no beauty and ultimately, no meaning. I came to Stac searching for such answers, trying to build the ability to interpret and understand all kinds of art. But as of this week, things have changed. I'm learning to be "unconcerned, but not indifferent". My obsession for tangible explanations is dissolving, and I'm beginning to think that answers are rather worthless compared to the beauty of discovery and longing. I don't care much for them right now. Back to Dadaism. After today's homework, I see Dada not as an art, but as a tool to resist the bourgeois current. I linked Dada to anti-art to culture jamming to the Situationist Internationale to Fight Club, which is really cool. Now, Dada looks more like a group of badass guys who thought it'd be cool or funny or even necessary to annoy and upset upper classmen through a fundamental part of bourgeois culture: art. I've always loved expression of lower class subculture, namely NYC 80's graff bombing.

On another note, the audition today was fun. I got sucked in. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I don't even necessarily want to be in the play. But, I'm surprised how well I went along with everything. I never stopped once to think about what I was doing. God, it's funny and embarrassing to write about today. I tried to act. It's weird. I'm proud of all the things I was able to do, but disappointed that I wasn't able to do better. I know what I did wrong and what I could've done better. And I don't even take acting seriously at all. Maybe I need to stop putting a high standard for myself. Get rid of the need to be great or to impress people, and be comfortable accepting my mistakes. This was more of an acting class than an audition for me. It was, actually, incredibly fun. I have this personal theory with acting, more on that later.

Love Web Mural

First, I'll like to note that I'm beginning to realize how how much I will reveal from posting in this blog. I actually had the idea that this blog wasn't that big of a deal for some kids. But, everyone seems to be dead honest in their posts, it seems.

I really enjoyed today. I thought it was a sick way to get to know each other, like an icebreaker. Passing rulers, sharing pens, etc. Plus, there's time for serious small talk when thinking about what to put on your web. The patterns of the entire mess were really nice, aside from the huge white spots on some parts. I do admit, other than the shapes that the lines and words make, visually, the mural looks rather bland from just sharpie and white canvas. Maybe that's not the point. There is other beauty besides color and visual pleasure. Another honest complaint, a little more time would've been nice.

But, apart from that trivial stuff, I made a discovery after thinking about today. Like the blog posts, I saw that amongst others, some kids basically graffiti'd their entire lives, their insecurities and secrets up on the wall, for everyone to see. That's mindblowing to me. What's even more fucking nuts is that this mural thing is actually the perfect first STAC project. It's a great introduction to or transition into art. I'm getting the idea that art is just pure, honest, vulnerable thought in different mediums. From the infinitely expansive human mind to more tangible things, like sound, paintings, poetry. So, our first project was the simple and bold alternative to art, but still serving the same purpose - showing our demons and thoughts for people to see. This is hard to accept for me, being in fixed classes all my life where there is only one right answer and you, as a person, really don't matter. Everything is about image, and genuine ideas and urges are ignored or blocked to maintain image. When "normal" people don't understand what art is or why artists do what they do and call it weird or crazy, it's actually the opposite. Artists look at everyone else and wonder how people can manage going about without letting go of all that shit inside them and creating some sort of out let for it. Makes me wonder if the most restless artists are the most at peace.

Even makes me that anything is art, the way you brush your teeth, your accent, your personality - all ways of expressing who you are. I really don't know. Wish I had answers.

My First Day

Hi, I'm Jei. This is my first blog post.

I guess that like most newbies at Stac today, I felt unfamiliar and lost, almost. I'm very not used to the freedom of the class, the nature of the things we talk about, Luke, etc. It's so weird not to be in a typical student-in-rows classroom setting. Most of all, it's surreal to be part of something that I've been interested in for a while. For the past few years, I've been constantly bothering people with questions about Stac. It became a weird obsession, something I was interested in, but never had the courage to pursue.

Well, now I'm here, and all I can say is: I have no idea what to make of it. It's hard to judge based on what I've seen in three periods, but I can sorta tell that I'm gonna start liking all this pretty soon. I open up a lot when I get comfortable with people. So, I'm sorry if I look like a loner in class this week and the next few to come.

I'm beyond stoked for the things to learn and the experiences to come with everyone. Thanks!